I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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