So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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