I don't think brook has ever known best
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
