btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Randomize