I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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