xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
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