I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
im on a boat
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