new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
