i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize