Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize