Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
