it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize