Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
