week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
The uberlube is also flammable
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Randomize
