I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Randomize
