We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Randomize
