just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
