well you can't waste a boner
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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