Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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