lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
