Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
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