As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
