You're a womanizer and a bitch.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Randomize
