Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize