i think my mom watched the whole time
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
