i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
