I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
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