I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
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