Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
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