You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
