he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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