Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
