His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
