Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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