it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
