I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Randomize
