office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
we made out on top of his cat.
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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