you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize