this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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