Screwed.edu
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
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