Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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