I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Randomize
