It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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