im having a threesome with these popsicles
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Randomize
