So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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