Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
