do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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