so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
