a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
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