ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
