rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
