what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Randomize