Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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