Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
