mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
Randomize
