She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
