I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize