If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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