I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
