We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Randomize
