Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
