i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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