he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
