i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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