We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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