I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
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