Me. At least after what I've been through.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
