you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
