You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
