I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
