hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
