yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Randomize
