What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
