Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
