I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
