hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Randomize
