yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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